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All Football Names In Key & Peele’s «East/West College Bowl» Sketch


Summary

  • The «East/West College Bowl» sketch in Key & Peele features gradually more outlandish and absurd football player names, making it one of their best sketches.
  • The sketch showcases Key & Peele’s comedic range and ability to deliver hilarious characters in a short amount of time.
  • The sequel sketch maintains the original’s formula with even more ridiculous names, including the addition of actor Benedict Cumberbatch’s name, proving the concept’s enduring hilarity.


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Here’s a breakdown of every bizarre name featured in Key & Peele’s classic «East/West College Bowl.» Key & Peele is a sketch show that paired Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele, with the duo proving to be perfect comic partners. The series debuted in 2012 and ran for five seasons and each episode could be relied upon to deliver at least one fantastic sketch. Skits could range from goofy movie or TV parodies to searingly political ones, and the show always gave the titular comics a chance to show off their comic range.

The two comedians have proven themselves incredible talents on their own. Jordan Peele has emerged as one of the most exciting new filmmakers with his Oscar-winning horror movie Get Out and the most recent Nope. Meanwhile, Keegan-Michael Key has remained busy with roles in movies like The Bubble and shows like Reboot. However, their work together on Key & Peele remains a highlight of both of their careers. Any fans of Key & Peele will have their personal favorite sketches from the show, though some classics include “Ray Parker Jr. Theme Songs,” «Continental Breakfast,» «Aerobics Meltdown» and «Text Message Confusion.» However, East/West Bowl is their crowing achievement for many fans.

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East/West Bowl 1

The Original Hilarious Names

Key dressed as fake football player Jackmerius Tacktherittix

The Key & Peele‘s football names sketch, known as «East/West College Bowl,» takes a setup most football fans will be familiar with as the two opposing teams introduce their roster before the game. However, as the names of college football players are read out, they become gradually more outlandish and absurd. This became one of the first viral hits for Key & Peele. It also gave Key and Peele yet another chance to show off a dizzying array of characters – and wigs – in a very short space of time. Here’s a list of every name mentioned in the sketch.

East Team

  • D’Marcus Williums
  • T.J. Juckson
  • T’Variuness King
  • Tyroil Smoochie-Wallace
  • D’Squarius Green, Jr.
  • Ibrahim Moizoos
  • Jackmerius Tacktheratrix
  • D’Isiah T. Billings-Clyde
  • D’Jasper Probincrux III
  • Leoz Maxwell Jilliumz
  • Javaris Jamar Javarison-Lamar
  • Davoin Shower-Handel
  • Hingle McCringleberry
  • L’Carpetron Dookmarriot
  • J’Dinkalage Morgoone
  • Xmus Jaxon Flaxon-Waxon

West Team

  • Saggitariutt Jefferspin
  • D’Glester Hardunkichud
  • Swirvithan L’Goodling-Splatt
  • Quatro Quatro
  • Ozamataz Buckshank
  • Beezer Twelve Washingbeard
  • Shakiraquan T.G.I.F. Carter
  • X-Wing @Aliciousness
  • Sequester Grundelplith M.D.
  • Scoish Velociraptor Maloish
  • T.J. A.J. R.J. Backslashinfourth V
  • Eeee Eeeeeeeee
  • Donkey Teeth
  • Torque (Construction Drilling Noise) Lewith
  • (The Player Formerly Known As Mousecop)
  • Dan Smith

«East/West College Bowl» starts with a imple comic premise and just keeps escalating from there, making it one of Key & Peele‘s best sketches. Names like Xmus Jaxon Flaxon-Waxon or Hingle McCringleberry are great comic monikers, but by the time it gets to X-Wing @Aliciousness or (The Player Formerly Known As Mousecop), the sketch just gets transcendent. The comic capper of Dan Smith is just icing on the cake and a perfect final laugh.

East/West Bowl 2

Key as fake football player Dahistorius Lamystorius

The Key & Peele football names sketch proved to be one of their most popular as shown by the fact that they brought it back for a follow-up. Wisely, the sketch avoids tampering with the proven formula of the original and simply operates as an excuse to deliver even more ridiculous names, similar to Key & Peele‘s substitute teacher sketches. Even with the simplicity of the sketch, it’s as funny as ever with Key & Peele‘s pitch-perfect delivery as well as the straight-faced manner the football commentators accept these increasingly improbable names. While the original sketch eases viewers into the concept with some warm-up names, the sequel just dives in.

East Team

  • Coznesster Smiff
  • Elipses Corter
  • Nyquillus Dillwad
  • Bismo Funyuns
  • Decatholac Mango
  • Mergatroid Skittle
  • Quiznatodd Bidness
  • D’Pez Poopsie
  • Quackadilly Blip
  • Goolius Boozler
  • Bisquiteen Trisket
  • Fartrell Cluggins
  • Blyrone Blashinton
  • Cartoons Plural
  • Jammie Jammie-Jammie
  • Fudge

West Team

  • Equine Ducklings
  • Dahistorius Lamystorius
  • Ewokoniad Sigourneth JuniorStein
  • Eqqsnuizitine Buble-Schwinslow
  • Huka’lakanaka Hakanakaheekalucka’hukahakafaka
  • King Prince Chambermaid
  • Ladennifer Jadaniston
  • Ladadadaladadadadada Dala-Dadaladaladalada
  • Harvard University
  • Morse Code
  • Wingdings
  • Firstname Lastname
  • God
  • Squeeeeeeeeeeps
  • Benedict Cumberbatch
  • A.A. Ron Balakay

The sequel sketch leans even more into the absurd with the inclusion of actor Benedict Cumberbatch’s name without any changes being a particularly funny addition. Of course, it is hard to ignore someone whose entire name is simply «Fudge» while the cryptic Firstname Lastname is made even funnier by the suggestion that he attended «College University.» It all makes for a hilarious followup that proves the concept had not gotten old and remains a high point of Key & Peele.

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